Have you ever asked yourself why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? This is you seeing yourself as a victim to your life. Everyone has gone through difficult phases in their life, but you defeat yourself if you perceive yourself the victim.

Do you complain? Do you argue and fight every time you don’t get your way? Complaining in one sense shows a lack of gratitude. It also focuses you on negativity rather than on the things that are working in your life. It also indicates a lack of faith because you are forcing things rather than allowing people and circumstances the space to be the way they are until they are ready to be different.

These are all symptoms of seeing yourself as a victim because you are not getting your way. I understand the feelings of helplessness that cause us to behave in this way. However just know it will not change things around for you no matter how many times you engage in this behaviour, in fact it seems to keep things in place longer.

Have you ever forgiven yourself for the mistakes you have made? Do you often feel badgered by the thoughts in your head saying nothing you do is ever perfect enough? Making you feel like you constantly fall short of your own expectations? This is your mind making you feel like the victim to your own life.

You do not always get to choose what life situations come to you, but you are always given complete control over your reactions and your choices. In this we have only ourselves to rely on. So being aware of our reactions to our life circumstances is of vital importance, if we wish to stop seeing ourselves as victims to our lives and start playing an active role.The choices we make will determine future situations we face.

Where do we begin? In each moment there is a choice you exercise, whether that be a choice you like or not or a viable option to you or not, a choice does exist. Let’s say someone has been hurtful and mean to you, you can see yourself as the victim and start gossiping about the person behind their back, or you might be mean and hurtful back to them, or maybe you just replay what happened over and over in your mind. All these are choices from the perspective of you being hurt by someone and therefore being the victim. You take back control when you forgive them, or maybe you see how in the past your actions may have hurt them equally? Forgiving them and yourself is empowering yourself. You are not longer dwelling in hurt and pain and you have freed yourself from victimhood.

Life is a puzzle and when you start laying out the choices in front of yourself it might just make it clear to you that you do actually have more choices available to you, than you think you do. It also helps you to choose to focus on the positive options rather than negative one’s even though negative one’s allow us to wallow in self pity which can be of comfort in stressful times. However this is a deceptive stance to take.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and we are far far stronger than we know.

I am so deeply saddened every time I hear about people committing suicide, especially children. I just keep thinking what can be done to help them see their lives differently? None of us are immune from feelings of sadness or overwhelming pain and suffering but there needs to be even during the darkest times a small part of us that keeps saying just hold on. Hold on, things won’t always be this way or feel this way.

Holding on requires you to see your life not just from your point of view but also understand that you are part of a collective family unit and a social unit and if you are no longer here you leave a void that no one else can replace.

On the other end of the spectrum more and more we hear about facilities where you essentially go to end your life, on your time frame. I am of the belief, we do not choose when we arrive on this earth and we should not choose our time to leave this earth. However god does grant us free will and so we are free to exercise it any way we may wish, however never free from consequence.

What is it that causes us to give up on life? I often hear about people with such high levels of stress and trauma talk about never giving up and yet i hear about young people giving up based on such inconsequential reasons, although not inconsequential to them. So how do we explain to them, as Lise Friedman says, that ‘Life is the messy bits’. When one overcomes the messy bits of life, it builds our character and often through it’s challenges it gives us the strength and courage to keep transcending our lives.

We are here to overcome life’s trials and to know that we need not succumb to them. So how do we overcome? I feel like we naturally want to believe in someone, something with the power to help, guide, love, nurture and support us. What word you use to describe this power is up to you, spirit, consciousness, god, soul, you choose. We all need to rest when troubling times arrive and know that someone has our back, and to me god is that on which i rest.

Resting is fine, however know that we are required to learn and grow in responsibility and awareness. A relationship with god is not a one way street. We cannot always be asking and not be willing to give too! God guides, loves, supports but also requires you to heal, love, forgive, show gratitude, be helpful, kind, generous and accepting.

We can choose to give up or we can choose to stay and evolve into the person that lives the life god placed us here to live and intended for us to live. No one else can do the work you were placed on this earth to do, if you leave it remains undone, so i truly truly hope we all choose to stay.

Do you think our prejudices determine that we believe that a person’s race, religion or sex determines their actions? Do you think this is the basis of our every decision?

Are we so blinded by our prejudices that we will believe anything? Every time i hear we need more people of this race or that sex or this religious affiliation or that income bracket, in this or that field in order to promote those issues, i feel like we are being fooled into a particular way of thinking, which is manipulative.

Why do we feel that a white person will work mostly for the benefit of white people only or that a black person will similarly work only for the benefit of his or her own race of people? What about believing that only a woman can improve conditions for other women?

This in my opinion is a completely incorrect assumption. We have had people of every background and not only is there no proof that they worked for the benefit of their race or class or religious sect or sex they belonged to. Yet we keep hearing the same arguments over and over again. Only a woman can work for the rights of other women, only a black person can work to improve conditions for the black community, only a muslim or hindu or christian or jewish person can help those communities gain strides forward in the world. I do not follow this way of thinking at all.

I know men who don’t just believe in women’s rights and equality but live in a way that proves this belief daily. I know women who in positions of power do nothing to help and uplift other women, and I know yet other women who don’t just talk about women’s empowerment but believe in human empowerment and in helping all people achieve their goals.

Prejudices and biases are within someone’s heart. We all have certain prejudices and biases, but we have to address them within ourselves and question why we believe what we do and why? Working through our own issues, will bring healing to us and our wider circle.

What if we took a look at the opposite side of the picture. Do we want people in positions of power or authority who will only work for the category they fall under? So would it be okay for someone to only work for the black community or the white or the jewish or the hindu or the muslim, or their sexual preference group and so on and on and on? What about those who would only work for men or just women? Is this the world we want to live in?

What matters is what you believe within yourself. Know thyself.

Don’t you wish people in positions of power would sometimes just sometimes admit they don’t have all the answers, and instead just say I don’t have the answer.

Is it fearful to you when you don’t have all the answers? If you answered yes, why? I think it’s generally because we want to be able to be in control and not knowing requires letting go.

This requires a lot of practice. Letting go is hard because it is fraught with fear.

So how do we cope with the fear and let go anyway. To begin, you have to be aware of your fear, then figure out what situations cause you the greatest fear, then understand that the fear is there because you feel helpless. Once you get to this stage you need to know acceptance is the only antidote to feelings of helplessness.

Acceptance is admitting you don’t have all the answers and need help. When you accept with complete surrender, help arrives. Assistance arrives in all shapes and forms, so being open to how help comes to you isn’t as important as staying in acceptance and gratitude.

Magic happens when you accept things as they are and not the way you need or want them to be. It’s as if things miraculously change tracks. Now be alert, you cannot trick your way to the outcome you want. You really have to be in complete acceptance of things as they are, as they may remain there and you will have to cope.

When you don’t know what is going to happen, it can also be seen as a waiting game. Does being made to wait feel like the end of the world to you? Impatience a trait you struggle with?

Waiting can feel like you are being blocked from getting where you feel you want to be, it can also be seen as you are not ready to handle the blessings coming your way yet, and so you are being nurtured and prepared for what’s to come and wonders not yet imagined by you are on their way, just be in acceptance, it’s heading to you!

Not knowing is a transition stage. It’s a stage of incubation, during which you decide which way things are going to move based on your reactions to your life situation. If you stay positive or better yet neutral to what is happening to you, the outcome will be in your best interest anyway as you are unattached to the outcome you want or need.

When you decide you have all the answers, learning is put on hold. Our entire journey on this earth is about learning. Being honest enough to admit you know nothing, frees you, and is the beginning of a lifelong journey to gain knowledge.

I KNOW NOTHING! Let the learning begin.

Do you want to know who you are? The answer lies beyond the physical you. You are the Observer. You are awareness, the witnessing presence, in all things. Words cannot define you. I think circumstances try and force us to get involved. To do, to be, to like or dislike, to agree or disagree. We are always forced to take sides. Being, is never sufficient.

Try being a witness to your life, sometimes. Try not allowing yourself to get dragged into reacting to every little incident and see what happens? Trust in your power to just be the observer. This is not an easy thing to practice or live.

Being the witness, involves you being neutral. Tied to neither side nor the outcome. When you observe your life and its circumstances, and stop interfering in it, what you are really doing is allowing space. Space for things to be, just as they are, and as they may need to be, regardless of your preference. This space is where solutions are allowed not forced.

I am not saying do nothing. I am saying if action is required, act. Take right action. I am saying do that which you need to do without trying to control the situation or the outcome.

Doing is fine, controlling behavior is not helpful. In fact, when you try to control things, the help you need stays away because you have decided, you know best!

So how do we apply this, ‘Be, the Observer’ principle? Well it applies to all life situations. Family, work, friends, corporations, countries, anything. Let’s take a few questions we might sometimes ask ourselves. Can I trust this person? Well observe them and their actions and you will know. What about, Is this person, lying to me? Well observe how they behave with you and others. Their actions are your answer.

Since we are now in times where we are asked to gauge between truth and fake news, I think we should all know how to spot what is real, don’t you?

When presented with information, I do not agree with it nor disagree. I listen. I do not pass judgement nor approval, I just listen. Well we still have the pesky problem of how do we know, if what is said is the truth? Well time always reveals all truths, so that is one way. The other is this, ‘Ye shall know them by their fruits’. Be a witness to all information. Be and observe. Watch what people or governments or organizations stand for, observe who they help, not just what they say, but what they DO and all will be revealed to you. You will not need to be told, you will know.  Actions are your answer. When it says ‘Fruits’ what i take it to mean is ‘Deeds’.

Our lives seem fraught with contradictions. Either you are with us or against us. Everything seems to be about forcing us to fight for or against, take your pick, families, religions, races, countries, the list goes on and on. Neutrality is nowhere. This is because you cannot be dragged into conflict when you are in a state of neutrality. Neutrality is not about not caring, it is about caring so deeply about everything that you cannot and will not allow yourself to be torn apart from your own humanity. Being one with all things.

We are born as individuals but we are also simultaneously incorporated into a collective family unit. Society seems to be struggling with these concepts and coercing us more and more into the collective mindset which seems to be lesser and lesser interested in empowering the individual.

When i walk around in nature, I notice signs everywhere, to see individuality within the collective. Every blade of grass, makes up a lawn, every drop of water flows into the larger river, every leaf comes together to make up a bush, it reminds me that we are always first and foremost created to be individuals, with special gifts and talents, that then needs to flow into helping the collective. When this happens both the individual and the collective benefit.

Sadly we are also witnessing the freedoms of the collective being placed ahead of the freedoms of the individual. Everyone’s needs have to be accommodated for before we can even begin to voice an opinion on practically any subject.  How can any individual think freely and express themselves at all?

Every freedom comes with some level of responsibility. Every child knows that  with each new freedom received, a new responsibility arrives with it. This should always be kept in mind. Abusing freedoms given shows the inability to grasp their value, and ends up hurting not just the individual but through them, society at large.

We have gone from one extreme to another. Decade after decade, groups of individuals have abused the freedoms given, and because of those abuses we are told, freedoms for the rest of  society need to be realigned for the world of today. So slowly but surely one by one, our freedoms are being curtailed.

Individualism is the new groupism. We are being shown that power does dominate in different divisive groups, as they can strong arm their way to their goals. There is one for everyone. You can choose one or more based on your likes, whether it be political, social, religious, sexual or otherwise.

I am of another belief, I believe the power of the individual today is underestimated. Most people are made to feel weak, alone, and powerless, once weakened, they are manoeuvred into the collective mindset. Any individual has the power to transform this world for the better or the worse. It is our god given, freedom to choose.

We have many examples from history that exemplify the individualistic mindset, yet changed the collective. There are examples of both, change for the good of humanity and change for the destruction of humanity.

Individuals change history. If you think, I am one person, what can i do? Think again, about all the individuals that changed this world, for the better, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Einstein, they were all individuals that stirred the collective, some to great movements and others to a better understanding of our world. It always starts from one, one person, one vision, one goal, and then flows into the collective, which can greatly benefit from this one person, and the impact they leave for us to carry forward.

Freedom levels in different countries differs greatly. Some cultures having been through long periods of oppression better understand the gifts freedom offers, However not free from consequence. How these gifts are utilised by individuals within a society, allows us to gauge the level of responsibility we are willing to accept, individually and collectively.

Can you feel compassion for another, or for yourself? Is it hard to feel compassion because you are constantly thinking, why should I feel compassion for someone else when no one cares about me and my problems? No one cares about what I am going through? This way of thinking makes it impossible for you to think and feel compassion for yourself or others

It seems hard to feel empathy, because most people think in the singular. I am suffering. I don’t have the time to sympathize about others. When you are in the throes of difficulty, the last thing you want to do is to start seeing things from another’s perspective. However that is exactly what you need to see in order to stop living in negativity, self pity and pain. We are all going through difficulty just on different levels and in different ways.

When we begin to see things through the lens that all suffering is one and the same, your suffering is no different to mine. The circumstances may be different but the result is the same, as all pain goes into the same melting pot, whether it be mine or yours. When we understand this, we want to create as little pain and suffering as possible because we know it is all the same and goes into the same space. We can choose to live in compassion, because we understand that there is no difference between the pain we create and pain we receive. We are all here to experience different forms of it on this earth, in order to learn and heal, ourselves and each other.

When a person close to you is going through a difficult time and you are the co-recipient of the same difficulty, are you able to feel compassion? Does your ability to feel empathy depend on whether you see the problem as self inflicted by the other person or whether you see it as a personal choice they have made or a life situation that has just come about but sticks around longer than you feel comfortable coping with?

So why is compassion so hard? There always seems a barrier blocking it, why? Well part of the reason I feel is forgiveness. If you cannot forgive another for their choices, decisions,  reactions, weaknesses and missteps then the chances are that you are not able to forgive yourself for your choices, decisions, reactions, weaknesses and missteps. This means you feel no compassion for yourself, and if you cannot feel compassion for yourself, you most certainly cannot feel it for anyone else, because as with all things, you have to start with yourself.

So why is it hard to forgive yourself? Well in most cases we do not like seeing our own faults and mistakes, so we tend to not accept them and heal them. We like to see ourselves as perfect and the other as the one with the problems. This builds a barrier between two people and we begin to live in tolerance rather than love and the only hammer that breaks down the barrier wall is forgiveness.

True compassion is one that crosses boundaries of all kind. It is the unmasking of humankind in its essence.

Do you struggle to understand it? Can one understand it mentally? I do not believe so. Love in modern times seems to have been made like everything else, superficial. We see it as physical love, as sex, as passion. However i believe love is so so much more than what we have been made to focus on.

In order to understand something, it sometimes helps to understand parts of the whole first. I spent a long time trying to bundle love up with other good qualities. All goodness stems from a place of love, but the understanding of love at its core, still eluded me. I thought to myself love is in acceptance, in patience, in tolerance, in service, but that is not the totality of it. These qualities are all wonderful, great qualities to work on and develop. If you see love as a flower, harnessing all these qualities within yourself helps to uncover the petals of love. However experiencing the flower is not the same as appreciating its individual parts.

I truthfully struggled with love. It is said God is love. We are meant to live in state of love. Well for a long time, I thought this felt like I was being asked to climb Mount Everest! Slowly though through work on different qualities and aspects of life and living and learning and healing, you get to the base of Everest and then slowly but surely you begin the climb.

So what is it? The closest way I can describe it is when you experience it, it feels like your heart expands and the love you feel flows from you, outwards. It is not an inward flowing sensation. Love causes the heart to expand, no matter whether you show love for the nature that surrounds you, for your family, your child, or love the work you do. It is the flowing of this essence, into all things that makes it a worthwhile practice.

Love does not need nor ask for anything, it just is. If you are waiting for others to love you before you commit to loving them, you might well be kept waiting. In order to receive love you need to learn to love yourself, flaws and faults and all. The imperfections are what you need to begin to love in yourself and once you begin to do this, loving others with all their faults and flaws and imperfections gets a whole lot easier. We are not meant to only love things that are perfect. We are meant to learn to love.

It is said love can move mountains, and you may well be asked to move the mountains that surround your heart in order to give and receive love freely. You know you have experienced something special, when god takes your greatest pain and fills that space with love. It is then that you truly begin to understand the transformative power of love. When that which used to cause you pain, now brings you deep joy and love, you know love has been used to transform you. This to me is the ultimate power of love.

Are you happy? Does the answer depend on what has happened to you this past moment? Does your life and it’s related emotions sometimes feel like some sort of trap. I am happy then the next minute I am unhappy. Like a see-saw. Up one minute down the next. Do you live in a world of constant emotions?

Do you believe you are here to be happy? I did. The follow up question one has to ask oneself is well, if I am here to be happy, why do i experience unhappiness? Do you have the answer?

See it all comes down to why you think you are here, on this earth? Do you believe you here to be happy, to enjoy yourself? To do whatever makes you happy, regardless of consequence? If happiness is the goal then unhappiness will seem unbearable. Happiness is usually tied to self interest. When i get what i want constantly, I am happy. However when unforeseen circumstances take place unhappiness sets in, regardless of the happiness you felt minutes before.

Do you see happiness as the be all and end all of life. Do you think if just this or that situation in my life were different, I would be happy. Maybe. However life is cyclical. You appreciate happiness because you have experienced unhappiness. Unhappiness provides you with the backdrop through which you have the ability to appreciate happiness.

So what is happiness? Happiness is that underlying feeling, beneath whatever is going on in your life, that allows you to say, I am okay. I am good. We could call it peace, or joy or happiness. True happiness is the feeling that you can experience even when absolutely nothing in your life is any different or even when things are not as you would wish them to be.  Allowing things to be the way they are and trying not forcing them to be the way you would like.

What it really feels like is peace that passes all understanding, because it needs nothing to be different in your life, for you to enjoy this feeling. You could be on vacation and be unhappy, or you could be doing the work you love and be happy. Underneath all that is happening to you, needs to be the awareness that you need nothing to be happy. You are happiness.

I can hear you say well if it were this easy, everyone should be happy all the time! True. However it is your choice how you look at what you are experiencing. Hindsight is a good example. Sometimes we experience difficulty and after we have gone through it, we think it was good I went through this, I am stronger, I am more grateful, more appreciative, more more more. Yet other times we have thought something would bring us happiness and in hindsight it brought us more unhappiness. So both sides of the same coin. Happiness and unhappiness are based on your perspective in the moment. So know that happiness is you and you are happiness and hindsight will reveal that which only time can bring.